The weekend rant

Now you honestly didn't think I would get through this weekend without SOMETHING winding me up did you? Well there was more than one something. In a word? Caravans.
I HATE staying in caravans. The rest of the weekend was good fun, especially for the boys, and really enjoyable. But the worst part by far was staying in the caravan. The walls are so thin they could be made from those plastic tea trays. Because of this, they have no insulation and so in the morning its like the arctic circle in there. And the roof was also made of the same flimsy stuff by the sound of it - do you know what it sounds like when you're lying in bed at 05.00 in the morning and you have crows and seagulls landing on a plastic roof? Its like the Alfred Hitchcock film "Birds"... I woke up thinking there was a bird in the bloody bedroom with us (and I dont mean the missus).
But even that would be bearable if it werent for the fact that I didnt get much sleep because of the God awful noise throughout the night. The bar on site didnt kick out until 01.00 and so from then you had pi$$ed up people walking back to their caravans singing, screaming, laughing... Good God. And of all the people to play a practical joke on, do you think I would be the worst, knowing my mood and temper? Let me tell you a little story.
Its about 23.30 - Im asleep. Our bed in the caravan is right by the bedroom window. All of a sudden Im woken by two women laughing and chatting, and what sounds like something being dragged across the grass right outside the back of our caravan. (Bear in mind the thinness of the walls - it sounds like they are actually in the room with us). Suddenly there is a bump against the wall of our caravan, and I think "no, thats out of order - it dont want to happen again". A couple of minutes later another bump. "Right - thats it" I think. I get up, get dressed, and go out to find out what they are doing out there. As I go to open the door... I find I can't. Something is holding it closed. Wait for it...
Cling film. The bloody women had wrapped cling film round the caravan. (Its OK, I can hear you laughing). At the sound of the door being unlocked the two pi$$ heads ran off laughing, so when I had finally forced the door open I went out to find them. I found one of them a couple of minutes later and Im embarrased to admit I went off on one a bit. "What the f*** do you think you're doin' with that cling film, you've frightened the life out of my 8 year old son" (they hadn't - Jake slept right through it all!) "You've woken me and my wife up, its a f***in' joke" etc.
To be fair to the woman, she was very apologetic - they had actually got the wrong caravan and were trying to play a joke on one of their friends... but it had to happen to me didnt it?
I'll be honest, its the sort of joke I'd play on someone I knew, it was quite funny afterwards... but at the time I was not the happiest of bunnies.
Combine that with the fact that at just after 01.00 Sunday morning the caravan behind us was invaded by a group of them back from the bar singing and screaming, and then being woken up at 05.00 by the invasion of the birds from hell I got a total of about 4 hours sleep that night.
Caravans? You can keep 'em.