Tuesday, 30 September 2008

No post recently

Sorry about that - some things going on in my world are too stressful to post about.

Anyway... what else has been going on? Not a lot really. Jake's team had two friendlies at the weekend - one on Saturday (a 4 - 0 win) and one on Sunday (a 4 - 2 win) so things are looking good for their season which starts this Sunday.

Work wise, I'm starting to struggle a little with my workload. I think I'll be OK, but because of other issues, it's made me feel like I'm drowning a little. Still, we soldier on, do we not?

No golf played for a few days, no time, or weather, to get out.

Goodness, what a boring post. Right, must crack on. Soundtrack of the day: R A N D O M button on my MP3 player again, so who knows...

Thursday, 25 September 2008

Thank you for your kind words of support

Im being sarcastic of course - I publish a post saying Im angry and pissed off at the world - and I get comments back saying people find it funny! Thanks. For. That.

Anyway - Im working from home today, dog sitting. I have a few bits to do so will have no problems staying motivated.

No football AGAIN tonight, cancelled again. So its a night in for me with a couple of cold ones and a good book I think.

More posts soon, you horrible lot.

Wednesday, 24 September 2008


In a f*ckin bad mood today. I woke up with a start to the alarm, like I was kicked out of bed, I then had that feeling that I've forgotten to do something all morning, the anal fungus that is the man who lives at the back of my house had left his rubbish out over night and a fox had got to it and strewn it all around my f*ckin garage, saw a really shitty email from someone in the U.S when I logged in this morning that wound me up even more, and now Im in a conference room all day helping out the other developers, which means I can't even sit and growl at my own desk.

Its mornings like this that I just want to swear and spit and twitch like a full on tourettes sufferer.

Stay out of my f*ckin way world.

Tuesday, 23 September 2008


I can't remember which songs I used to play a lot on the guitar. I was strumming around last night, and found I was only playing two or three songs... "Everything Changes" and "Outside" by Staind, and "Street Spirit" by Radiohead. I couldn't think of any others to play and sing along to, which was annoying me. Actually, maybe that's not 100% accurate - maybe it was more a case of not thinking of any other songs I wanted to play. There used to be loads I enjoyed playing and singing, but last night they weren't there in my head. A case of creative malaise perhaps.

It was my best mates birthday on Monday, so I went round his house on Saturday night for a little while. I was driving, so wasn't drinking (obviously) and there was a guitar there but... I couldn't bring myself to get it out and play it. I think it was because a) I was sober b) it didn't feel like that sort of night and c) shy (probably linked to 'a'). Which is was a shame, as there were a few people there, and if I had been drinking I probably would have enjoyed playing for them.

Good football last night (played well again) and it's Jake's turn tonight as he is training. Golf tomorrow (all being well) football on Thursday (again, hopefully) and then Friday night to relax.

Soundtrack of the day: "The Seldom Seen Kid" by Elbow (Mercury Music prize winner).

Monday, 22 September 2008

Monday morning haiku

Monday has started
The body responds with shock
How I hate Mondays

Soundtrack of the day: "St. Jude" by The Courteeners

Thursday, 18 September 2008


Manchester and back in 27 hours with a game of golf in the middle... tired today.
Still, it was a good journey both ways - 3 hours for each leg.
Before I left I bought The Mighty Boosh radio show on CD... so I spent most of the journey cracking up. I can imagine people looking in their rear view mirror as I bomb up behind them in the outside lane laughing like a loon. Scary.

I have a boring crappy meeting today from 10.30 'til 12.30 *snore*

I hate meetings. No matter how interesting the subject matter, the room is always too warm, so by about half an hour in your eyes are getting heavy, but the seat isn't very comfortable so you feel like you're being tortured. Some mindless tit always has to ask questions that drags things on and on and on and on ad infinitum. Luckily I can text to twitter and to this blog, so if I get really bored...

No football tonight - its been called off. :-(


Tuesday, 16 September 2008

Had to post this

Some of you may know I visit the site Cracked.com. Its an excellent way of wasting time at wor... I mean, an excellent way to spend a lunch break.

Here is one of my favourite articles. Not so much the subject matter (although its pretty awesome) but the way it's written... I've read it three times now over the past couple of months, and it ALWAYS makes me laugh. Enjoy.

The 5 Most Horrifying Bugs In The World

(don't have nightmares!)


I thought I'd share what my son and I talked about on the way home from school yesterday.
We got onto the subject of my job and what I do, and he asked "Do you sit in a big chair like Homer Simpson, eating donuts and drinking coffee?" to which I replied "well, sometimes, and I do have a big chair like Homer Simpson".
He then started to describe how he'd like his job to be...

"I'd like a job like that - I'd have a computer with donuts on one side and big bottle of coke on the other. I'd sit at my desk, and my boss would come to me and say Jake, do these data sheets, and I'd say yes sir, but when he's gone I'd type BOOBIES on my screen and sit and eat donuts."

He then proceeded to crack up, which of course got me laughing as well.

He likes boobies. Definitely his father's son.

Mornin' all

It's the start of a couple of tiring days today - I'm leaving work an hour (ish) early to drive up to Manchester today. Tomorrow I'm playing golf (yay!) so no work, but then after golf I have to drive home from Manchester. So lots of miles to be covered in the next 48 hours.

Not much else happening... played football last night, and even though I say so myself I played well. I seemed to have lots of energy so was very effective. Even the guy I go with said I played well, so when someone else says it, you know you're doing something right... (although, I do give him a lift there and back, so maybe he had ulterior motives...)

So, head down today, code code code, and then away I go.

Soundtrack of the day: I've got heavily back into R.E.M recently, so I'm thinking "Accelerate" and maybe "Automatic For The People" and maybe a little "Out Of Time"...

Monday, 15 September 2008

A poem about Mondays

Not mine, ripped off from some site or other...
Monday must be the most horrible of days.
The reasons it's horrible are too horrible to say.
But with that said, I'll try to explain
Why Monday must bring us oh so much pain.

You see on Monday, you work with a frown.
The full work week ahead has gotten you down.
The weekend has come, and the weekend has passed,
And like all weekends it just didn’t last.

But Monday sure lasts, it lasts so long.
You keep checking your watch to see what’s wrong.
But against your wishes your watch is just fine.
Against your wishes you can’t speed up time.

So you sit and you wait and you pretend to work.
You dream of a boss that isn’t a jerk.
But then you wake up and you almost cry.
You wish and you wish that the day would just die.

But wait, please listen, don’t worry my friend.
For one thing is certain, all Mondays must end.
Now that it’s been said, I’ll say it again.
More Mondays will come and more Mondays will end.

Sunday, 14 September 2008

I've found some time

Its Sunday morning and everyone's out, so I have a little alone time this morning. Apart from this post, I'm spending it reading and chilling out, which is what I think Sunday mornings are for.

Jake had a good training session yesterday, but as his manager wasn't there, his assistant and I took the training session. I tell you, I couldn't do that on a regular basis. Its hard enough trying to stay in charge of one nine soon-to-be ten year old, but ten of them? It was hard going.

Also in the iSimon world, I have money worries at the moment. Those of you that have lived through that know that it seems to take over your whole life. You can't get past the this big black cloud of financial problems. I will be trying over the next few days to get some kind of solution / resolution to this, but if I seem quieter or more miserable than usual, ("How will we notice" I hear you cry), then that's why.

Have a great Sunday listeners, we'll be back after these messages...

Friday, 12 September 2008

Last post for the working week

Yes its Friday thank Shiva, and nearly time to relax for two days.
Not much going on - Saturday morning training with Jake, and as far as I
know, he has no match on Sunday, so I might be able to get up the driving
range for the first time in ages.

Next week I have a busy week... football on Monday night, driving up to
Manchester Tuesday after work, playing golf up there Wednesday then driving
home again, playing football Thursday, then before I know it it's Friday

For some reason, I'm feeling very tired today... and my neck is very stiff
and sore. Weird.

Anyway, have a good weekend all, and stay tuned for possibly more posts
this weekend.

I feel like I'm shouting out into the abyss...

..."Is anybody out there?"

Thursday, 11 September 2008

I twittered these questions

I was sitting here thinking about this & that this morning, and came up with these questions... answers to the usual address:

If you met yourself, would you like yourself, or would you get on your nerves?

If you were the opposite sex version of you, would you fancy yourself?

This is not so much questions about liking yourself / loving yourself (I'm not allowed to do that anymore, not since the sores and the rash), but more about combining your own perception of yourself with how the rest of the world sees you...

Let's see those comments flood in....

I'm going to H E double Hockey Sticks...

I had my two bestest friends in the whole world over last night to watch the England game. And I confessed to something that one of them in particular found amusing.

The Paralympics are being held in Beijing this week, and I've caught a few of the broadcasts on TV... and I have found myself being amused by the midgets in the competition.

Now I know, this is reprehensible, awful, and wrong but let me try and defend myself a little... I admire what they do, I couldn't do the things they were doing and I'm a completely able bodied (if overweight) and normal-man sized. Sure I might be able to run faster than them, but in front of a massive olympic crowd? Doubtbul. And I know I couldn't swim as fast as them. As one of the hosts of the show said, the Paralympics proves that sport is about ability, not disability.



Watching them run, I can't help but be reminded of the film Time Bandits (one of my all time favourite films by the way). Watching them dive into the pool, I can't help but think of that ancient and venerable sport, midget tossing. In fact, maybe its not just at the Paralymics - I've seen midget basketball... midget judo (which even a priest would find funny, I bet) and who's the funniest character in the Austin Powers movie? Mini-me.

Don't get me wrong, I don't sit there in front of the TV cracking up, but I hate myself when I realise I'm watching them do whatever they're doing, and there is a faint smile on my lips and a man in my head wetting himself.

I'm going to H.E.L.L aren't I?

Wednesday, 10 September 2008

This could be my last post

In fact, it could be the last day of everything. As you may or may not be aware, scientists will be switching on the Large Hadron Collider today in Geneva (at about 08.30 UK time) to fire hydrogen particles at each other round a 27km track of accelerators (or something... here's a better explanation).

There has been some worry that switching this thing on will cause black holes, the end of the world, dark matter to be exploding all over the place, new dimensions to be seen... personally, I think it will be a MASSIVE anti-climax. I'm sure the scientists (I actually typed scienTITS then... freudian slip) will say it was a great success and we discovered loads, but I have my doubts... (cynical? Moi?)

Anyway, just in case we do all disappear up our own existence, thanks for reading this blog, and I hope to see you all on the other side. And as an after school project, if you knew this WAS the last day, and you could say one last thing to one last person, what would it be? Now, I know if you want to take part in this, you may not really want these thoughts and feelings made public, so you can leave out the persons name if you like - just the sentence or sentiment you'd like to share with that person.

In other news, working from home today as I need to dog-sit so I must try and stay motivat...zzzzz sorry, motivated.

Have a good last day of the world all (or not...).

Tuesday, 9 September 2008

I'm no restaurant critic...

...but I thought I'd let you all know about the place I went for dinner last night. It was a 'surprise' invite as I expected to be playing football last night. But, it was my sisters birthday on Friday, and she lives in Bournemouth but was at my parents last night as she is flying out to Canada, then onto Australia, from Heathrow today. So we thought we'd get together for dinner. (*phew* - convoluted explanation over).

ANYWAY - we decided to go the place called The Waters Edge. Those who know me and live near me know where that is... those that don't, well, talk amongst yourselves if you like.

The food was nice enough, the ambiance more like a quiet chain pub than a restaurant, and it only had a few a la carte dishes on the menu. Also, it only had one veggie option, but my wife, who is unfortunately afflicted with vegetarianism, will eat pretty much any veggie dish anway so that was OK. The main thing, however, was it's carvery. (I'm not too sure how Manuel The Waiter feels about carveries but I think they're OK every now and then...)
"So it has a carvery" I hear you shout "big deal", but let me tell you, the big thing about the carvery was the PRICE.
What with all that credit being crunched all over the place and belts being tightened more than a man of 45 wanting to look 25, price has become more important to me than before.

Check this out - You get a choice of three meats (and yes you can have all three - last night was turkey, gammon ham or beef all freshly carved) and then a selection of veg (last night: peas, greens, swede, carrots, two types of potato and cauliflower cheese) plus sauces (cranberry, apple, that sort of thing) and two types of gravy. You also get stuffing and yorkshire puds. Once the carver has given you the meat you want (and you can ask him to be 'generous', I know I did!) you can help yourself to veg and gravy. You can imagine how piled with food your plate could look. And the price for this frankly massive feast? £3.95!!! Yes, UNDER £4.00 for a ludicrous amount of what amounts to a Sunday roast. And for the quality of food I would quite happily pay something like £10.00 or £12.00 for it.

OK, so it wasn't Gordon Ramsey quality food, and eating in a chain pub / carvery isn't the classiest of places, but it WAS very nice food, and it was quiet, and my son was welcome, and the beer was cold, but the PRICE... my God, you can't knock it. So - highly recommended for those of you in the area who want a cheap, tasty, dinner.


Monday, 8 September 2008

Perfect start to the week

Some gormless twat bumped into my car this morning. I was approaching a three lane roundabout in the middle lane (because I was going straight over) and I passed this idiot as he was in the outside lane. As I went past him, he pulled into the middle lane, and caught the back quarter of my car. Yes, he was in error, yes, he hit me. So we pulled off the side of the roundabout, and got out to inspect the damage. Luckily, there was no damage to mine except scuffing, which I rubbed off and all looked fine. The thing that wound me up was the first thing he says to me is "Its OK, it looks like you caught the inside of my car, and there's hardly any damage"... So I just stopped and looked at him and said "No, I didn't catch anything of yours, YOU hit MY car. I was in the middle lane and YOU pulled out and hit ME". I then said that my car was not damaged so I am happy to not go through insurance . He agreed, and as we parted company he said "Sorry about that..." so he knew he was in the wrong. Berk.
So if that's what the start of my week is, what's the rest gonna hold?! I dread to think...

Sunday, 7 September 2008

400 posts up

Yes, just saw, this is my 401st post.

Anyway - a good day today (Sunday). Jake had his first tournament of the new season, at his home ground... and his team won his age group, which was nice. They got all the way to the final without having to go to extra time or penalties, but the final did go to penalties. Unfortunately Jake missed his (not like him) and he was more annoyed about that than the fact his team actually won the thing! Still, another tournament and another win. I think he's going to have a good season this year.

Not much else happened today, as we were out from around 09.00 until 14.00... so a long day, and the rest of the day has been spent sitting on my arse drinking tea.

This week, my new fitness regime starts... playing football Monday AND Thursday every week, and less alcohol to be consumed (not going to stop completely, that would be silly). I AM a fat bastard, and need to lose weight.

More postings this week.

Friday, 5 September 2008

Who's my teacher?

I received a comment about my last post, asking who my teacher was... and as I've done before, I started to respond in the comments, but realised what I wanted to say would be better done in a post.

She is a girl called Fiona - and yes, she IS a girl compared to me, she's a student at Brunel University which is 5 minutes from where she lives. So, when she opened the door to me I thought "OK, I know age is no indication of talent, but still...".
Anyway, we went into her house (which I have to say was a typical 'student' house if you know what I mean... not the nicest, but only because it was rented and it was rented by students, who of course can't afford really nice houses... but I digress) there was nobody else in at the time, and she led me through to the kitchen and to a room just off the kitchen. "I'm sorry" she says, and I think "what for?" then she says "would you mind removing your shoes? My mother always taught me to be polite when going into someone elses bedroom and to remove my shoes". REMOVE MY SHOES?? What am I, 12? Are we in Japan? I don't mean that to come across as horrible, but it was a bit of a shock. So shoes removed, we went into her 'bedroom' (I saw NO bed...) and had the lesson. The thing is, she was very young... and she was wearing a very low cut top and she had rather large sweater puppies... and she was sitting very close to me... and I know this sounds like a statement read out for the defendent in a court case, but its all true. Anyway, I felt like SUCH a dirty old man - don't get me wrong, she was very good at the piano, and the things she was explaining to me about how we would go about teaching me were all good, but I couldn't get away from this nagging little feeling of how it would look if someone came into the bedroom and saw me and my age, looking all overweight and sweaty, and her with her age looking all young and nubile and perky... doesn't bear thinking about.
So, am I going to continue? I honestly don't know, but I doubt it. Fiona is on holiday now for two weeks so I have some thinking time. When she gets back, I will decide what to do.
More posts later...

Thursday, 4 September 2008

Another Thursday night alone

Yes, it's just me and the dog again for a Thursday night. Sitting here watching Kerrang TV with a beer and contemplating my comittment to Twitter to create something creative tonight.

BTW - Slash is my hero - one of the all time great rock 'n' roll guitarists.

I'm actually considering going down to that pub that has the open mic night / jam night I posted about a little while ago... is it sad to go into a pub on your own? Bit Billy no mates isn't it.
But, maybe popping down there for half an hour to see what the situation is? Maybe.... depends how much more beer I have to drink before its time to go.

Oh I didnt post about my piano lesson did I? It was a 'consultancy' lesson first, so it was free (bonus!) but I didn't actually get to touch the keyboard! It was all about how we are gonna move forward with the lessons, a lesson plan, what I wanted to learn, what music I was into etc. etc.
Am I going to continue? I honestly don't know - it seems awfully complicated, but then that's because I have picked guitar up so easily...

Listener contributed Haiku

"Through the barricades"
"Always believe in your soul"
Spandau Ballet rock.

Broadband Internet
Spending All My Time Watching
Streaming Videos

Haikus make me smile
They also seems to bring out
Lots of random things

Dial Oh eight hundred
Double Oh ten sixty-six
(for Hastings Direct)

(That one was genius)

Premiership Clubs
Playthings for billionaires
Killing the good game.

Carol Vorderman
Picking Out All The Letters
Constanents And Vowels

Eating far too much
No time for excercising
Putting on some weight

Chopping Up Bodies
My Cellar Is Nearly Full
Thus My Work Is Done

(I have informed the authorities on this one)

So a couple of you liked that

A good few Haiku responses - Im going to compile them into a post for all the world to see...

Wednesday, 3 September 2008


The eagle eyed among you will notice I have decided to give Twitter another go...

we'll see how it goes.


I have been toying with some other creative outlets. I was thinking of poetry (I may post some efforts up here) but I have been reading a book that had some Haiku in it - and that got me thinking, could I do that? Here is what wikipedia says about Haiku:

Haiku (俳句?) listen is a form of Japanese poetry. Previously called hokku, it was given its current name by the Japanese writer Masaoka Shiki at the end of 19th century. Shiki suggested haiku as an abbreviation of the phrase "haikai no ku" meaning a verse of haikai[1]. A hokku was the opening verse of a linked verse form, renku (haikai no renga). In Japanese, hokku and haiku are traditionally printed in one vertical line (though in handwritten form they may be in any reasonable number of lines). In English, haiku are usually written in three lines to equate to the three metrical phrases of a haiku in Japanese that consist of five, seven, and five on (the Japanese count morae, which differ from English-language syllables; for example, the word "haiku" itself counts as three on in Japanese (ha-i-ku), but two syllables in English (hai-ku); writing seventeen syllables in English produces a poem that is actually quite a bit longer, with more content, than a haiku in Japanese). Because Japanese nouns do not have different singular and plural forms, "haiku" is usually used as both a singular and plural noun in English as well. Thus, practicing haiku poets and translators refer to "many haiku" rather than "haikus". Senryū is a similar poetry form that emphasizes irony, satire, humor, and human foibles instead of seasons, and may or may not contain a kigo or a kireji.

So, I had a go. To recap, here are the rules (no exceptions!)

3 lines
5 syllables in the first line
7 syllables in the second
and 5 syllables in the third

Of course, they must make some kind of sense, not just 17 syllables of nonsense...

My efforts:

Jaded attitude
Cynical to the last breath
My grave epitaph

Dying heart of love
Restored by your soul and grace
My life is complete

Dark shades on the wall
Unknown sounds that bring nightmares
Fears of my childhood

So, come on then, lets have your efforts children

Inspired by cheesecake

First of all I don't know who cheesecake is, I think I do, but I might be wrong.
Anyway, he / she (I think its a she) asked me a question in response to my last post, and I was starting to write it out as a comment but thought I might as well make a post out of it. (Warning: the word 'cock' appears twice in this article...)
cheesecake wrote:

"How about a few pics from your friends wedding or some insight as to why you are so fed up?"

I actually don't have any pictures from my friends wedding! I need to get hold of them from my friends who had their digital cameras there. As to why I am so fed up? My God where to begin... there are big reasons that don't change from day to day, and little ones that do. For example, today, I have a sore arse. I know, not very nice, and its actually my coxi... coksi...cocksi... tail bone that hurts, but it is VERY sore and it even hurts just sitting down. What did I do to it? I have no idea but its another little dig with a cocktail stick into the gums of my life.

Anyway - Wednesday today, work to do (cue headphones and albums) and then a piano lesson tonight. I'll be honest, I nearly backed out - the main reason being this low mood I'm in, but I will go through with it and see how it goes. Jake's first training session of the new season last night, and he looked good. Sharpness still has to come back, but it won't take long.

So there we go - a longer post, and slightly more upbeat. I will really try and make more of an effort again listeners - apologies to those who have come here to read and thought "what a miserable bastard". Peace.

Update: A tip of the day - DON'T start reading other peoples blogs before you start work, especially if they are as well written as Well Done Fillet as you will NOT be able to start work. Damn my bone-idleness

Update II: Soundtrack of the day - "Stadium Arcadium" double album by Red Hot Chili Peppers

Tuesday, 2 September 2008

Not much...

...going on today. Jake starts back football training tonight, and then he has a tournament on Sunday. I have piano lesson tomorrow and then I will be playing golf Thursday. Apart from that, in the words of Bjork "It's oh so quiet... it's oh so still...".

Still in the mood to read read read, although I picked up my two favourite magazines yesterday - Wired and Q Magazine, so I have those to enjoy...

My God, what a boring post!

Help me people, give me some inspiration...

Monday, 1 September 2008

Back to work today

Yes, back to the grind. I've discovered my boss, and HIS boss (so effectively my second boss) are both on leave this week, so I have a feeling it's going to be a lazy week. However, as previously posted, I do have a project on the go so I will have to be more than a little productive.

So what's happened recently? Not much. My mood has gone into one of those "Why am I bothering" kind of states (with regards to blogging, song writing, anything creative) and in fact all I want to do is sit in a big comfy chair with something nice to drink and read, read, read. I got through 3 (yes three) novels last week while away - so you can tell how much reading I got done.
The problem is finding good books to read that I haven't read before. Well, I'll be popping to the book shop today so who knows what we'll find.

ooh, I have a piano lesson this Wednesday - trying something new. We'll see how that goes.

Have a nice day all.