I had my two bestest friends in the whole world over last night to watch the England game. And I confessed to something that one of them in particular found amusing.
The Paralympics are being held in Beijing this week, and I've caught a few of the broadcasts on TV... and I have found myself being amused by the midgets in the competition.
Now I know, this is reprehensible, awful, and wrong but let me try and defend myself a little... I admire what they do, I couldn't do the things they were doing and I'm a completely able bodied (if overweight) and normal-man sized. Sure I might be able to run faster than them, but in front of a massive olympic crowd? Doubtbul. And I know I couldn't swim as fast as them. As one of the hosts of the show said, the Paralympics proves that sport is about ability, not disability.
Watching them run, I can't help but be reminded of the film Time Bandits (one of my all time favourite films by the way). Watching them dive into the pool, I can't help but think of that ancient and venerable sport, midget tossing. In fact, maybe its not just at the Paralymics - I've seen midget basketball... midget judo (which even a priest would find funny, I bet) and who's the funniest character in the Austin Powers movie? Mini-me.
Don't get me wrong, I don't sit there in front of the TV cracking up, but I hate myself when I realise I'm watching them do whatever they're doing, and there is a faint smile on my lips and a man in my head wetting himself.
I'm going to H.E.L.L aren't I?