Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders thesubject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time
2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly
5. Bozone: The substance surrounding a stupid person that stops bright ideas from penetrating; the bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purposeof getting laid
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease (This one got extra credit)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer
12. Decafalon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you
13. Glibido: All talk and no action
14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly
15. Arachnoleptic fit: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web
16. Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out
17. Caterpallor: The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1. Coffee: the person upon whom one coughs
2. Flabbergasted: appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained
3. Abdicate: to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach
4. Esplanade: to attempt an explanation while drunk
5. Willy-nilly: impotent
6. Negligent: absent mindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown
7. Lymph: to walk with a lisp
8. Gargoyle: olive-flavored mouthwash
9. Flatulence: emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steam-roller
10. Balderdash: a rapidly receding hairline
11. Testicle: a humorous question on an exam
12. Rectitude: the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists
13. Pokemon: a Rastafarian proctologist
14. Oyster: a person who sprinkles his conversation withYiddishisms
15. Frisbeetarianism: the belief that, after death, the soulflies up onto the roof and gets stuck there
16. Circumvent: an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men
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