Yes, its the last day of October, so its Halloween. Its not a holiday I normally get too bothered about to be honest. When I was younger I went to a few organised parties (you know the sort - bobbing for apples, too much sugar and sweets, and being hyperactive for about a week afterwards) but now Im older... well, old... I dont really do anything. I dont agree with trick or treating, so Jake isn't too fond of me at the moment because I wont let him go, but unfortunately I can't stop other kids knocking at my bloody door begging for sweets. I've just been out and bought a selection of different things so if they do come knocking at least I'll have something to give them. Last year I did the same, and guess what... no one came knocking. Bastards.
Im more interested in City playing tonight - they're away to Bolton in the Carling Cup (or whatever its called now) and after the 6 - 0 drubbing on Saturday Im hoping they can prove it was just a blip.
Anyway spooks and ghouls, have a good day, and if you're partying at all tonight, have fun. Just stay the f*ck away from my door! Peace.
Wednesday, 31 October 2007
Tuesday, 30 October 2007
Darwin Awards
Enjoy!
Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honouring the least evolved among us. Here is the glorious
winner:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
And now, the honourable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transportingfrom Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15.
(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was
made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the
car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. (*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER)
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home ssewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honouring the least evolved among us. Here is the glorious
winner:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
And now, the honourable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transportingfrom Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15.
(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was
made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the
car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. (*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER)
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home ssewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
Monday, 29 October 2007
Another slog...
The start of another working week. And with nothing to look forward to, its just a succession of get up, go to work, come home, go to bed. Am I wrong to want to have something each week to really look forward to? I know a lot of people would say "you're lucky, you have a family to come home to, a nice home" etc. etc. and dont get me wrong, I do feel lucky to have all that - but isn't life that little bit better when you have a real highlight each week, something to work towards? Im not being selfish, I know I have more in my life than a lot of people, but I think it's nice to have something each week that makes you think "Yeah, lookin' forward to that".
For example, this week, I have the following on:
Today work, tonight taking Jake to his weekly Watford football training.
Tomorrow work, tomorrow night nowt.
Wednesday work, Wednesday night nada.
Thursday work, Thursday night football (ok, this is a good thing, but I do it so often its not really something to get over excited about)
Friday work, Friday night nuffin'.
See what I mean?
I dont want people reading this post and saying stuff like "then arrange something for yourself" or "you're doin more than me!" because thats not the point Im trying to make. Im just trying to say, I think the week is better when there is a real highlight in it. Thats all.
Anyway, whatever you're doing with your week, have a good Monday.
Soundtrack of the day: "Going For Gold" by Shed Seven.
For example, this week, I have the following on:
Today work, tonight taking Jake to his weekly Watford football training.
Tomorrow work, tomorrow night nowt.
Wednesday work, Wednesday night nada.
Thursday work, Thursday night football (ok, this is a good thing, but I do it so often its not really something to get over excited about)
Friday work, Friday night nuffin'.
See what I mean?
I dont want people reading this post and saying stuff like "then arrange something for yourself" or "you're doin more than me!" because thats not the point Im trying to make. Im just trying to say, I think the week is better when there is a real highlight in it. Thats all.
Anyway, whatever you're doing with your week, have a good Monday.
Soundtrack of the day: "Going For Gold" by Shed Seven.
Saturday, 27 October 2007
Saturday lunchtime
Sitting here, its a bit miserable out, but its nice and warm in my lounge watching football drinkin cider. Jake had a good training session this morning, and I think this evening we're having dinner with my parents for my birthday, so a relaxing day and night ahead.
Jake has a match tomorrow morning, and then all I've got to worry about is making sure I have some shirts ironed for the week.
Didnt do much last night - had a couple of glasses of good wine, watched a bit of tv, and that was it. DEFINITELY getting older!
Thing is, after a little bit of alcohol, in the warm, its so tempting to snooze for a little while... as nice as that is, it would mean I wouldn't sleep later. And its the sort of thing old people do!
Anyway, short post today as there's not much going on, but thank you to all the people who wished me a happy birthday.
Have a good rest of the weekend people...
Jake has a match tomorrow morning, and then all I've got to worry about is making sure I have some shirts ironed for the week.
Didnt do much last night - had a couple of glasses of good wine, watched a bit of tv, and that was it. DEFINITELY getting older!
Thing is, after a little bit of alcohol, in the warm, its so tempting to snooze for a little while... as nice as that is, it would mean I wouldn't sleep later. And its the sort of thing old people do!
Anyway, short post today as there's not much going on, but thank you to all the people who wished me a happy birthday.
Have a good rest of the weekend people...
Friday, 26 October 2007
Another day... another year
Friday at last. I've had this stinking cold all week, so Im looking forward to the end of the day so I can go home and be ill properly.
And yes, another year older today. 35. F*ck me. I know it sounds daft, but I feel no different to when I was 21... alright, my hair is disappearing and changing colour, my body mass has increased slightly, I ache more, it takes longer for my body to get going in the morning, hangovers make me feel like I've died after something had crawled into my mouth, shat, then died... but inside my own little head, I really feel no different. So happy birthday to me, you old bastard.
We've had new lights put in at the office. Before, we had the normal yellowish strip lights in the ceiling - but they've been replaced by these new bright white ones. I walked in this morning, it was like walking into a hospital. I expected a load of people to be running around shouting "STAT!" and "Get The Crash Cart" and stuff. And my it makes my skin look a very nasty pasty shade, like I've been living in a basement for 5 years.
Anyway, have a good Friday, and if I dont get to post, a good weekend. If you're having a drink later, raise a glass to me and think of my poor body aging like a old piece of fruit... slowly, making it go soft and squidgy, and smelling badly. Peace.
And yes, another year older today. 35. F*ck me. I know it sounds daft, but I feel no different to when I was 21... alright, my hair is disappearing and changing colour, my body mass has increased slightly, I ache more, it takes longer for my body to get going in the morning, hangovers make me feel like I've died after something had crawled into my mouth, shat, then died... but inside my own little head, I really feel no different. So happy birthday to me, you old bastard.
We've had new lights put in at the office. Before, we had the normal yellowish strip lights in the ceiling - but they've been replaced by these new bright white ones. I walked in this morning, it was like walking into a hospital. I expected a load of people to be running around shouting "STAT!" and "Get The Crash Cart" and stuff. And my it makes my skin look a very nasty pasty shade, like I've been living in a basement for 5 years.
Anyway, have a good Friday, and if I dont get to post, a good weekend. If you're having a drink later, raise a glass to me and think of my poor body aging like a old piece of fruit... slowly, making it go soft and squidgy, and smelling badly. Peace.
Wednesday, 24 October 2007
Airport Scrum
Something that winds me up, but shouldn't really... in fact, it winds me up but I also find it amusing.
You're at the airport, sitting at your gate waiting to board. You have your seat allocation (if you're like me, you like sitting near the front of the plane, so say you're in row 2). The gate monkey comes onto the PA and says "Good morning, welcome to blah blah airlines. We would now like to invite people seated through rows 27 to 20 to board. Thank you". Cue mass surge toward the gate entrance. Its almost as though people think "Got to get on the plane, it'll go without me!" or "Must get a seat, I dont wanna stand for the whole flight!" I mean, people, its not a bus! You have a seat! Its NOT gonna taxi to take off without your fat pimply arse sat in your seat! And then every third person you hear "No madam, we're only boarding rows 27 to 20, not row 8 yet, please step back until we call your row". The PA announcement was clear enough for you to hear it calling you, so why didnt you hear it was NOT your row yet? I must admit, during my early years of flying, I was one of those sheep that jumped up and tried to board (although I wasn't THAT bad - I did wait for my row to be called) but now I try and be the last person on - I sit, and watch, and laugh at the mindless drones piling up round the gate and try and wait until the last second before I shift my bulk toward the gate entrance.
Just another little bit of life that is amusing, but can make me feel mild urgings to slaughter innocent people. (Just kiddin...)
Have a good Wednesday people.
You're at the airport, sitting at your gate waiting to board. You have your seat allocation (if you're like me, you like sitting near the front of the plane, so say you're in row 2). The gate monkey comes onto the PA and says "Good morning, welcome to blah blah airlines. We would now like to invite people seated through rows 27 to 20 to board. Thank you". Cue mass surge toward the gate entrance. Its almost as though people think "Got to get on the plane, it'll go without me!" or "Must get a seat, I dont wanna stand for the whole flight!" I mean, people, its not a bus! You have a seat! Its NOT gonna taxi to take off without your fat pimply arse sat in your seat! And then every third person you hear "No madam, we're only boarding rows 27 to 20, not row 8 yet, please step back until we call your row". The PA announcement was clear enough for you to hear it calling you, so why didnt you hear it was NOT your row yet? I must admit, during my early years of flying, I was one of those sheep that jumped up and tried to board (although I wasn't THAT bad - I did wait for my row to be called) but now I try and be the last person on - I sit, and watch, and laugh at the mindless drones piling up round the gate and try and wait until the last second before I shift my bulk toward the gate entrance.
Just another little bit of life that is amusing, but can make me feel mild urgings to slaughter innocent people. (Just kiddin...)
Have a good Wednesday people.
Friday, 19 October 2007
Late post
A late one tonight - but Im happy, coz I've killed, destroyed, expunged, removed and otherwise dumped Windows Vista. Windows XP is running lovely. Im sitting here getting all my bookmarks up to date, and watching Grosse Point Blanke (one of my favourite films) and life is cool.
Also drinkin Magners with lots of ice.... niiiice.
More updates (maybe) over the weekend.
Peace
Also drinkin Magners with lots of ice.... niiiice.
More updates (maybe) over the weekend.
Peace
Friday at last
It seems like this week has dragged a bit... but we've made it to the weekend, I knew that, together, we could do it...
Its my in-laws 40th wedding anniversary this weekend, and thats about the extent of my plans. Im taking Jake to his second City game on Saturday - we're at home to Birmingham City, so hopefully it'll be three points with a convincing win. (But knowing my luck, it'll be the game that the bubble bursts at COMS!)
I played football last night, so was a bit tired this morning, and on the drive to work I was in that auto-pilot mode that Im sure you've all experienced... I was half way down the motorway before I really woke up, and that's frightening. I mean, I was driving carefully enough, and I was observant etc. but I had that scary feeling when you suddenly think "whoa... Im on my way to work here".
The journey from outside my house to where I was, was a blur. Who knows what I could have driven over, or into, or through... anyone else experience anything similar?
Anyway, what with no football for Jake tomorrow, I will get a little bit of a lie in to try and get some energy back.
Have a good weekend listeners, and if I can, I'll post via my new email method over the weekend. Via con dios.
Its my in-laws 40th wedding anniversary this weekend, and thats about the extent of my plans. Im taking Jake to his second City game on Saturday - we're at home to Birmingham City, so hopefully it'll be three points with a convincing win. (But knowing my luck, it'll be the game that the bubble bursts at COMS!)
I played football last night, so was a bit tired this morning, and on the drive to work I was in that auto-pilot mode that Im sure you've all experienced... I was half way down the motorway before I really woke up, and that's frightening. I mean, I was driving carefully enough, and I was observant etc. but I had that scary feeling when you suddenly think "whoa... Im on my way to work here".
The journey from outside my house to where I was, was a blur. Who knows what I could have driven over, or into, or through... anyone else experience anything similar?
Anyway, what with no football for Jake tomorrow, I will get a little bit of a lie in to try and get some energy back.
Have a good weekend listeners, and if I can, I'll post via my new email method over the weekend. Via con dios.
Thursday, 18 October 2007
A good morning
So far so good today - got stuck right into some code, listening to Stone Roses "Second Coming"... makes the day fly by, before I knew it it was 10.20.
Playing football tonight, so a chance to run this flabby body around a bit. Watched two episodes of one of my favourite shows last night - "Grumpy Old Men" - yes, those who know me know I should be starring on it, not just watching it, but thats why I like it so much - I find myself nodding, agreeing, laughing along and shouting things like "Damn right!" and "Hell yeah" at the TV.
Round my mates house tomorrow night (confirmed) to kill Windows Vista. So tonight and tomorrow night are taken care of.
As Im typing this, Im jamming along to the track "Driving South" - the Stone Roses really do rock. Peace all. More drivel soon...
Playing football tonight, so a chance to run this flabby body around a bit. Watched two episodes of one of my favourite shows last night - "Grumpy Old Men" - yes, those who know me know I should be starring on it, not just watching it, but thats why I like it so much - I find myself nodding, agreeing, laughing along and shouting things like "Damn right!" and "Hell yeah" at the TV.
Round my mates house tomorrow night (confirmed) to kill Windows Vista. So tonight and tomorrow night are taken care of.
As Im typing this, Im jamming along to the track "Driving South" - the Stone Roses really do rock. Peace all. More drivel soon...
Wednesday, 17 October 2007
Email blogging
I can now send an email to my blog and have it published... how cool is that? It means that what with being able to access my email account on my mobile, I can blog from literally anywhere - home, out and about, on the loo... (well, maybe not). Anyway, just thought I'd share that little bit of techno news with you all. Peace.
(For those hard of thinking - yes, this post was submitted via email!)
(For those hard of thinking - yes, this post was submitted via email!)
Bloody frustrating
Im on a project on the moment that is going quite well, but Im at a point where I can't really do any more until another developer has done his bit - and this developer is the U.S, which delays things even further what with the different time zone... Its annoying because I know once I have this extra data, I will be able to get my parts finished reasonably quickly, and that means I can move onto another Java project that I've been earmarked for. *sigh*.
A while ago I tried to subscribe to the magazine "Wired". I sent off the form (online) paid the fee etc. and waiting in anticipation for my first issue. THREE MONTHS later, still no magazine. Those who know me can probably guess how I felt about that. After a long email conversation back and forth between myself and the Wired customer 'services' (ha!) team, I basically lost it and told them in no uncertain terms to stick their subscription where the monkey keeps his nut. And what turned up in the post yesterday? Yes, the latest issue of Wired. So now Im torn between keeping the subscription cancelled, or re-applying hoping that because there are a couple of issues 'in the system' for me I wont see such a big gap between them. To be honest, I'll probably re-apply and see what happens... glutton for punishment I know, but I do like the magazine, and its hard to get hold of over here. (For those who dont know, its an American magazine).
Soundtrack of the day: Old School Hip-Hop again... Beasties, Cypress Hill, Public Enemy, NWA on a random selection. Yeaahh Boyyeee....
Finally, Im hoping to kill Windows Vista on my home laptop this Friday. Im fed up of the slow responses, the 15 questions you have to say yes to to get anything done and the memory usage. I've ordered the XP discs (see earlier post) and hopefully they'll be here today so I can go to my good friend's house and get it done. Die Windows Vista, Die! Peace.
Update: Oh, two cool things last night... James May and Oz Clarke have started a new series of their 'Wine Adventures' - this time in California. First episode last night, and it was good telly.
And, I drunk three quarters of a bottle of Pino Grigio Rose... very nice indeed.
A while ago I tried to subscribe to the magazine "Wired". I sent off the form (online) paid the fee etc. and waiting in anticipation for my first issue. THREE MONTHS later, still no magazine. Those who know me can probably guess how I felt about that. After a long email conversation back and forth between myself and the Wired customer 'services' (ha!) team, I basically lost it and told them in no uncertain terms to stick their subscription where the monkey keeps his nut. And what turned up in the post yesterday? Yes, the latest issue of Wired. So now Im torn between keeping the subscription cancelled, or re-applying hoping that because there are a couple of issues 'in the system' for me I wont see such a big gap between them. To be honest, I'll probably re-apply and see what happens... glutton for punishment I know, but I do like the magazine, and its hard to get hold of over here. (For those who dont know, its an American magazine).
Soundtrack of the day: Old School Hip-Hop again... Beasties, Cypress Hill, Public Enemy, NWA on a random selection. Yeaahh Boyyeee....
Finally, Im hoping to kill Windows Vista on my home laptop this Friday. Im fed up of the slow responses, the 15 questions you have to say yes to to get anything done and the memory usage. I've ordered the XP discs (see earlier post) and hopefully they'll be here today so I can go to my good friend's house and get it done. Die Windows Vista, Die! Peace.
Update: Oh, two cool things last night... James May and Oz Clarke have started a new series of their 'Wine Adventures' - this time in California. First episode last night, and it was good telly.
And, I drunk three quarters of a bottle of Pino Grigio Rose... very nice indeed.
Tuesday, 16 October 2007
Stolen in full from someone elses blog...
Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders thesubject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time
2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly
5. Bozone: The substance surrounding a stupid person that stops bright ideas from penetrating; the bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purposeof getting laid
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease (This one got extra credit)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer
12. Decafalon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you
13. Glibido: All talk and no action
14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly
15. Arachnoleptic fit: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web
16. Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out
17. Caterpallor: The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1. Coffee: the person upon whom one coughs
2. Flabbergasted: appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained
3. Abdicate: to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach
4. Esplanade: to attempt an explanation while drunk
5. Willy-nilly: impotent
6. Negligent: absent mindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown
7. Lymph: to walk with a lisp
8. Gargoyle: olive-flavored mouthwash
9. Flatulence: emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steam-roller
10. Balderdash: a rapidly receding hairline
11. Testicle: a humorous question on an exam
12. Rectitude: the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists
13. Pokemon: a Rastafarian proctologist
14. Oyster: a person who sprinkles his conversation withYiddishisms
15. Frisbeetarianism: the belief that, after death, the soulflies up onto the roof and gets stuck there
16. Circumvent: an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men
1. Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders thesubject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time
2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly
5. Bozone: The substance surrounding a stupid person that stops bright ideas from penetrating; the bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purposeof getting laid
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease (This one got extra credit)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer
12. Decafalon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you
13. Glibido: All talk and no action
14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly
15. Arachnoleptic fit: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web
16. Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out
17. Caterpallor: The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1. Coffee: the person upon whom one coughs
2. Flabbergasted: appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained
3. Abdicate: to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach
4. Esplanade: to attempt an explanation while drunk
5. Willy-nilly: impotent
6. Negligent: absent mindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown
7. Lymph: to walk with a lisp
8. Gargoyle: olive-flavored mouthwash
9. Flatulence: emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steam-roller
10. Balderdash: a rapidly receding hairline
11. Testicle: a humorous question on an exam
12. Rectitude: the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists
13. Pokemon: a Rastafarian proctologist
14. Oyster: a person who sprinkles his conversation withYiddishisms
15. Frisbeetarianism: the belief that, after death, the soulflies up onto the roof and gets stuck there
16. Circumvent: an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men
Monday, 15 October 2007
Its oh so quiet
Its one of those 'slog' weeks this week... nothing to look forward to, just five days of getting on with life. Plans for this week?
Monday - nowt
Tuesday - zip
Wednesday - nada
Thursday - football (woo, and indeed, hoo)
Friday - nuffin'
This weekend will hopefully be pleasant however, as its my in-laws 40th wedding anniversary. We'll be spending the weekend with them, going out to dinner on Saturday night.
Im not a real big rugby fan, but I have to say well done England for reaching the world cup final - and ha ha frenchies. The problem is, I think we're gonna get our asses handed to us by the Boks.
Also, well done Jake and his football team - a 2 - 1 win at the weekend.
Ooh, and I wanna say thank you to Dell.. I have a Dell laptop at home with shitty Windows Vista on it. I phoned Dell, asking for the Windows XP discs so I could destroy Vista, fully expecting to pay for the software... I was surprised to hear "We'll send all the necessary disks out to you free and gratis as a good will gesture". This sort of thing hardly ever happens to me, so thank you Dell. Have a good Monday listeners.
Update: A friend of mine has posted a page of inspirational posters... enjoy by clicking here
Monday - nowt
Tuesday - zip
Wednesday - nada
Thursday - football (woo, and indeed, hoo)
Friday - nuffin'
This weekend will hopefully be pleasant however, as its my in-laws 40th wedding anniversary. We'll be spending the weekend with them, going out to dinner on Saturday night.
Im not a real big rugby fan, but I have to say well done England for reaching the world cup final - and ha ha frenchies. The problem is, I think we're gonna get our asses handed to us by the Boks.
Also, well done Jake and his football team - a 2 - 1 win at the weekend.
Ooh, and I wanna say thank you to Dell.. I have a Dell laptop at home with shitty Windows Vista on it. I phoned Dell, asking for the Windows XP discs so I could destroy Vista, fully expecting to pay for the software... I was surprised to hear "We'll send all the necessary disks out to you free and gratis as a good will gesture". This sort of thing hardly ever happens to me, so thank you Dell. Have a good Monday listeners.
Update: A friend of mine has posted a page of inspirational posters... enjoy by clicking here
Thursday, 11 October 2007
Responses please
Someone I know had the good fortune today of finding an extra sum of money in their bank account, that wasn't put there by themselves. The bank had obviously somehow made a mistake and credited the account with too much money (I know, I know, it never happens to me either).
The question I would like responses to is:
Who would keep the money, withdraw it before the bank caught on, and spend it in an orgy of drugs, alcohol and greased up midgets (ok, maybe not all that stuff - just spend it...) and who would tell the bank of their mistake?
Answers on a post card - or a nicely designed comments form you can find by clicking the link below...
The question I would like responses to is:
Who would keep the money, withdraw it before the bank caught on, and spend it in an orgy of drugs, alcohol and greased up midgets (ok, maybe not all that stuff - just spend it...) and who would tell the bank of their mistake?
Answers on a post card - or a nicely designed comments form you can find by clicking the link below...
This 'n' that
I found a really good blog this morning. I have been reading another blog for a few days, and found a link on it to a blog they read. I went there, and found a really interesting one. I dont really wanna go into too much detail about it, but suffice it to say it really struck a chord with me. The point is, it got me thinking about my blog, and whether or not its too irreverant. You know, too filled with insignificant stuff about my life and not 'big' issues, or thoughts, or thought-provoking posts. I get the odd comment about things I post, which is really nice (more, more, Im a comment addict!) but I know that a lot of the things I post (not all) only mean things to those people who know me. What do you listeners think? Do you want to read more 'big' issues on here, or are you ok with what goes on?
Anyway - (to stick to what I've been doing up until now) a good day yesterday, a day off work to play golf in Gloucester with a work mate John. I shot 88, which I was pleased with (41 on the front 9) and the weather stayed just right for us. The journey there and back was a bit of a pain, but it was worth it for the golf. Tonight, playing football and then there are no plans really for Friday or the weekend apart from Jake's football.
Mind you, the England football AND rugby teams are playing important games on Saturday so that'll be something to drink beer to.
Have a good Thursday listeners.
Anyway - (to stick to what I've been doing up until now) a good day yesterday, a day off work to play golf in Gloucester with a work mate John. I shot 88, which I was pleased with (41 on the front 9) and the weather stayed just right for us. The journey there and back was a bit of a pain, but it was worth it for the golf. Tonight, playing football and then there are no plans really for Friday or the weekend apart from Jake's football.
Mind you, the England football AND rugby teams are playing important games on Saturday so that'll be something to drink beer to.
Have a good Thursday listeners.
Tuesday, 9 October 2007
Wet
Not much happening today apart from the weather - its shite.
I bought in a big packet of Double Stuff Oreo's today, and its very tempting to sit and eat them all, but then I'd end up a fat bastard and have to go on one of those diet shows where they make you cry by showing you all the food you eat in a day piled up on a table. I'd have to break down in tears and promise to be a good boy and not eat any more cream cakes stuffed with lard and sausages. So I wont be eating all these cookies on my desk.
Day off tomorrow (woo-hoo) playing golf in Gloucester. Hope the rain pours itself out today so its nice tomorrow.
Soundtrack of the day: "Nevermind" by Nirvana. I missed the 'grunge' thing the first time around, but I do like this album.
Finally, check this link out (you need sound) - its not rude, so safe for work.
The Rake
Peace.
Update: I've been sent a link to a site - its on the previous post about debunking the Shark Attack photo (www.snopes.com for lazy people) but they had this faked image on there, which I found really freaky.... can you imagine if it WAS real!
I bought in a big packet of Double Stuff Oreo's today, and its very tempting to sit and eat them all, but then I'd end up a fat bastard and have to go on one of those diet shows where they make you cry by showing you all the food you eat in a day piled up on a table. I'd have to break down in tears and promise to be a good boy and not eat any more cream cakes stuffed with lard and sausages. So I wont be eating all these cookies on my desk.
Day off tomorrow (woo-hoo) playing golf in Gloucester. Hope the rain pours itself out today so its nice tomorrow.
Soundtrack of the day: "Nevermind" by Nirvana. I missed the 'grunge' thing the first time around, but I do like this album.
Finally, check this link out (you need sound) - its not rude, so safe for work.
The Rake
Peace.
Update: I've been sent a link to a site - its on the previous post about debunking the Shark Attack photo (www.snopes.com for lazy people) but they had this faked image on there, which I found really freaky.... can you imagine if it WAS real!
Monday, 8 October 2007
If this ain't real, it should be....
OH MY GOD...!
Update: This image has been kindly debunked by my U.S friend... check out the source here
@$&()! ripoff!!!
*** RANT ALERT ***
I've just phoned my mobile phone company - Orange - to get my handset replaced because it is not working properly. I've been paying around £5 a month phone insurance on this handset, and that works out to about £45 so far. So I phone up, go through the rigmaroll of "press 1 for... press 2 for..." blah blah blah and finally get to speak to someone. I go through fault diagnosis ("Whats the problem", "its not working", "OK") and then get told "Yes, you have a faulty phone" (I KNOW!) "and we'll get a replacement out to you tomorrow - how does that sound?"
"Perfect" says I... then the catch. "Oh, there is a £15 admin charge on replacement handsets".
W H A T ! ! ? ? I have to pay a third of the amount I've payed already even though I have insurance?! F*ckin con!! Of course, I made it clear to the phone jockey at the end of the line that I wasn't angry at her, but Geez, what a rip off. So I basically said stuff the insurance claim, I'll deal with the problem myself. Mobile phone companies... bunch of arse mate.
I've just phoned my mobile phone company - Orange - to get my handset replaced because it is not working properly. I've been paying around £5 a month phone insurance on this handset, and that works out to about £45 so far. So I phone up, go through the rigmaroll of "press 1 for... press 2 for..." blah blah blah and finally get to speak to someone. I go through fault diagnosis ("Whats the problem", "its not working", "OK") and then get told "Yes, you have a faulty phone" (I KNOW!) "and we'll get a replacement out to you tomorrow - how does that sound?"
"Perfect" says I... then the catch. "Oh, there is a £15 admin charge on replacement handsets".
W H A T ! ! ? ? I have to pay a third of the amount I've payed already even though I have insurance?! F*ckin con!! Of course, I made it clear to the phone jockey at the end of the line that I wasn't angry at her, but Geez, what a rip off. So I basically said stuff the insurance claim, I'll deal with the problem myself. Mobile phone companies... bunch of arse mate.
Strike!
This weekend... City won (3 - 1 at home to Middlesbrough) which was good, but Jake's team lost their first league game of the season, which was NOT good. Apart from that approximately bog all happened. However...
I did hear something on the radio this morning that did get me a little riled... can someone explain how a postal strike is supposed to get the general public on the post office workers side?? I mean, I heard something today on the radio - because there has been a strike for so long, there are loads of undelivered bills and final demands, so people dont know they have these bills and final demands and so are gonna incur further fines and more trouble. So that got me thinking, what do the people on strike hope to achieve? I personally dont feel the compulsion to support the post office workers against whatever problems the post office are inflicting on them - I'm just pissed off that Im not getting my mail through which could contain some very important things. And if something comes through late that I have to respond to, and I end up getting in the shit for it, will the post office workers come help me out? Will they bollocks. I am sorry that these post office workers aren't getting what they want / need etc. - (they're complaining about pay, pensions and job cuts) but inflicting this much inconvenience and potential financial problems on the general public can only make them seem like the bad guys.
I do know, though, that a lot of the people who have gone on strike have done so at the behest of the trade union, and they do not necessarily want to strike themselves (and I know this for a fact, because I play golf with a couple of postmen, and I know one of them gets the right 'ump when he has to strike). So maybe I should be pointing the finger more at the trade union.
You could say the same for the London Underground strikes I suppose... they go on strike because the company is doing something they dont like, the general public suffers, the trade union expects the support of the public. I dont really see how this is supposed to work. Or am I being amazingly dense and / or naive?
Oh, and I know normally I couldn't give two spits for 'the general public' - but when something affects them, and Im a member of that general public, then I do give a stuff. Anyway, please feel free to comment / correct my assumptions / call me dim. Have a good Monday all.
I did hear something on the radio this morning that did get me a little riled... can someone explain how a postal strike is supposed to get the general public on the post office workers side?? I mean, I heard something today on the radio - because there has been a strike for so long, there are loads of undelivered bills and final demands, so people dont know they have these bills and final demands and so are gonna incur further fines and more trouble. So that got me thinking, what do the people on strike hope to achieve? I personally dont feel the compulsion to support the post office workers against whatever problems the post office are inflicting on them - I'm just pissed off that Im not getting my mail through which could contain some very important things. And if something comes through late that I have to respond to, and I end up getting in the shit for it, will the post office workers come help me out? Will they bollocks. I am sorry that these post office workers aren't getting what they want / need etc. - (they're complaining about pay, pensions and job cuts) but inflicting this much inconvenience and potential financial problems on the general public can only make them seem like the bad guys.
I do know, though, that a lot of the people who have gone on strike have done so at the behest of the trade union, and they do not necessarily want to strike themselves (and I know this for a fact, because I play golf with a couple of postmen, and I know one of them gets the right 'ump when he has to strike). So maybe I should be pointing the finger more at the trade union.
You could say the same for the London Underground strikes I suppose... they go on strike because the company is doing something they dont like, the general public suffers, the trade union expects the support of the public. I dont really see how this is supposed to work. Or am I being amazingly dense and / or naive?
Oh, and I know normally I couldn't give two spits for 'the general public' - but when something affects them, and Im a member of that general public, then I do give a stuff. Anyway, please feel free to comment / correct my assumptions / call me dim. Have a good Monday all.
Friday, 5 October 2007
Jeans day
Aren't you lucky, two posts in one day.
Its "Jeans For Genes" day at work today when, for a small fee, you are allowed to wear jeans to work. The thing is, you aren't allowed to wear trainers, and you must keep your 'top half' in business attire... so basically you're just replacing your trousers for jeans, and making yourself look silly by having to wear shoes with them. If the company are allowing denim at work, why can't they let you wear what you like with them (within reason of course). It just seems daft to me... its like "OK, you can wear denim, aren't we a forward thinking, relaxed company... but you can't wear anything else that will make you feel relaxed and happy, you must look a tit in blue jeans and shiny black shoes"... please.
Which brings me onto an issue that winds me up a little, although I dont often comment on it. How do women get away with wearing what they want in a so called 'professional' environment, but men have to wear shirts, trousers, shoes? Its not so bad in the winter, as everyone wears things to keep themselves warm, but in the summer women are allowed to wear short skirts, sandles, strappy tops... I mean, some of the things some of the pugly's wear to work reveal far too much flesh, but if a man wanted to wear smart, long, tailored shorts and sandles because it was so hot, he would be hauled up in front of his manager and told in no uncertain terms to go home and get changed. I could really kick off on selective sexual equality and the like now, but maybe thats a topic for another day. Suffice it to say, I dont think its fair that SOME women can get away with looking like cheap tarts at work, when men always have to look professional. Any comments? Lets 'ave it...
Its "Jeans For Genes" day at work today when, for a small fee, you are allowed to wear jeans to work. The thing is, you aren't allowed to wear trainers, and you must keep your 'top half' in business attire... so basically you're just replacing your trousers for jeans, and making yourself look silly by having to wear shoes with them. If the company are allowing denim at work, why can't they let you wear what you like with them (within reason of course). It just seems daft to me... its like "OK, you can wear denim, aren't we a forward thinking, relaxed company... but you can't wear anything else that will make you feel relaxed and happy, you must look a tit in blue jeans and shiny black shoes"... please.
Which brings me onto an issue that winds me up a little, although I dont often comment on it. How do women get away with wearing what they want in a so called 'professional' environment, but men have to wear shirts, trousers, shoes? Its not so bad in the winter, as everyone wears things to keep themselves warm, but in the summer women are allowed to wear short skirts, sandles, strappy tops... I mean, some of the things some of the pugly's wear to work reveal far too much flesh, but if a man wanted to wear smart, long, tailored shorts and sandles because it was so hot, he would be hauled up in front of his manager and told in no uncertain terms to go home and get changed. I could really kick off on selective sexual equality and the like now, but maybe thats a topic for another day. Suffice it to say, I dont think its fair that SOME women can get away with looking like cheap tarts at work, when men always have to look professional. Any comments? Lets 'ave it...
McDonald Hill Valley Golf
I've been searching my previous posts to try and find if I wrote about this earlier this year, but I'll be buggered if I could find it. Basically, I've been invited back to play alongside Manchester CID's finest in a two day golf society day. We played earlier this year (I swear it was around March / April time) and I had a really good time. The guys (11 of them) made me feel really welcome, the hotel was nice, I won nearest-the-pin on the first day... so all in all, it was a top weekend. And they've invited me back again for March next year! Excellent news.
We're back into the normal swing of things at weekends now... Jake has training on Saturday, then I have Saturday afternoon to relax / do housework, he has a match on Sunday (first league game) and then before I know it, it'll be Sunday evening and I'll be getting stuff ready for work. God. I think I need a holiday.
Finally, I turn 35 this month (Im not gonna say when). 35... Gee-zus Im half way to 70. But the plus side is I only have 30 more years before I can retire!
Soundtrack of the day: "Us And Us Only" by The Charlatans.
Have a good weekend listeners.
We're back into the normal swing of things at weekends now... Jake has training on Saturday, then I have Saturday afternoon to relax / do housework, he has a match on Sunday (first league game) and then before I know it, it'll be Sunday evening and I'll be getting stuff ready for work. God. I think I need a holiday.
Finally, I turn 35 this month (Im not gonna say when). 35... Gee-zus Im half way to 70. But the plus side is I only have 30 more years before I can retire!
Soundtrack of the day: "Us And Us Only" by The Charlatans.
Have a good weekend listeners.
Wednesday, 3 October 2007
Wot no comments?
Im surprised nobody commented on the video I posted yesterday.. I thought it was hilarious personally!
I'll post another one at the end of this post for your perusal. Played golf yesterday ... shot a terrible score of *cough* 98 but I didn't really mind, because even though there was a constant light drizzle it was a really nice way to spend a couple of hours... out in the fresh air, good company, played some good shots... very nice.
Im actually a bit annoyed this morning - the company I work for has deemed it necessary to remove Skype from all our PC's. (For those of you who dont know, Skype is a free to download, free to use piece of software that enables instant chat, file transfer, conference chats, and FREE phone calls over the internet). I actually do use Skype as a work tool, to talk to the U.S developers I work with. I understand the companies arguments for removing it, but it kind of smacks of "We are in charge, we say what goes, and you can't have that"... it wound me up a little this morning, thats all - as most things do at 07.00AM.
Anyway, here's another vid for you to laugh at... Don't try this at home kids!
Update: I've bought myself a U3 USB stick, and I can run Skype off that - so fingers well and truely stuck up to the establishment!!
Update: I've just been sent this amusing link - for all those who think Facebook has gone too far... http://www.theinternetnowinhandybookform.com/crackbook/
I'll post another one at the end of this post for your perusal. Played golf yesterday ... shot a terrible score of *cough* 98 but I didn't really mind, because even though there was a constant light drizzle it was a really nice way to spend a couple of hours... out in the fresh air, good company, played some good shots... very nice.
Im actually a bit annoyed this morning - the company I work for has deemed it necessary to remove Skype from all our PC's. (For those of you who dont know, Skype is a free to download, free to use piece of software that enables instant chat, file transfer, conference chats, and FREE phone calls over the internet). I actually do use Skype as a work tool, to talk to the U.S developers I work with. I understand the companies arguments for removing it, but it kind of smacks of "We are in charge, we say what goes, and you can't have that"... it wound me up a little this morning, thats all - as most things do at 07.00AM.
Anyway, here's another vid for you to laugh at... Don't try this at home kids!
Update: I've bought myself a U3 USB stick, and I can run Skype off that - so fingers well and truely stuck up to the establishment!!
Update: I've just been sent this amusing link - for all those who think Facebook has gone too far... http://www.theinternetnowinhandybookform.com/crackbook/
Monday, 1 October 2007
What a crappy day
The weather is now starting to turn to autumn (or 'fall' for our American cousins) so its cold, wet and miserable. Not a good start to a Monday.
Not much planned for this week really... hopefully playing golf tomorrow if the weather improves, but apart from that no real plans.
This will be an attempt to get a video up on this site for your enjoyment... its not that nasty, but its not for the faint hearted either. If I had to put a certificate rating on it, I'd say it was a 12.
Not much planned for this week really... hopefully playing golf tomorrow if the weather improves, but apart from that no real plans.
This will be an attempt to get a video up on this site for your enjoyment... its not that nasty, but its not for the faint hearted either. If I had to put a certificate rating on it, I'd say it was a 12.
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