Thursday, 27 January 2011

Lamenting my aging body

OK, so I'm not a coffin dodger or a decrepit bag of skin and bones. However this pasty, booze soaked, stressed, knackered carcass has been on the 3rd rock from the sun for nearly 40 years now, and like a well oiled machine left without the life giving oil it is starting to wear and break down.
I have decided to catalogue all my body's current ailments from toes up...should be fun.

Feet. For some reason they have started to smell a LOT more than they used to. I know, not a pretty thought to read but honesty in all things etc. I haven't changed the sorts of shoes or socks I wear and I haven't changed any habits - for some reason they have just started to hum quite a bit more than they used to. Like aging cheese I suppose...
Achilles Tendons. I currently have what has been diagnosed as achilles tenonditis and it just won't shift. They hurt alot in the mornings, ease off during the day unless I try doing anything silly like running, and then start hurting again in the evenings after all the walking done during the day.
Knees. I used to be quite agile and limber and I have always had good legs (quite well muscled and toned) but now my knees really ache when I squat down and try and stand up too quickly. This does not bode well for my football career.
Belly. No matter what I try and do I can't shift this extra weight. I've stopped drinking during the week... (well, cut down to almost none during the week...) I don't drink tea during the day any more, I eat fairly healthily and drink at least 2 litres of water every day. Alright, because of injury I haven't been as active on the football pitch as I have been in the past but still it's depressing to think my body has now "found it's shape" and I will stay looking like this 'til I fill a pine box.
Chest. Moobs. Small but there. Enough said.
Hands. Persistent skin problem that manifests as eczma and will. Not. Bloody. Shift.
Head Hair receding and going grey / white, brain seemingly more and more frazzled and confused each day.

So there you have it. Not looking good is it?? I honestly can't remember the last time I felt completely comfortable and well and healthy in my skin. If I'm like this now what am I going to be like at nearly 50?? *sigh*.


Charlie Naseweis said...

They shoot horses, don't they?

Simon said...


Anonymous said...

Thanks for posting this Simon, you've made me feel really good about myself :-)....(well at least my feet don't smell and I don't have moobs...but I do have weight to lose and dodgy knees and bad ears and constantly tired...mmmm maybe I don't feel so good after all.......

Simon said...

I know I'm not the only one with an aging body Sarah dearest but this morning I was feeling particularly battered and knackered... hence the post.

Cantona07! said...

Hi Simon,

I can relate to some of these body problems......such as the 'weight' around the belly to matter how many crunches i do at the gym...i still have what women term as a 'muffin top'. I dont overdo it on the booze either, and try to eat healthily.

The knees problem is common amongst us nealry forties i fear...possibly due to too much football in the past. If my daughter gets on my back and asks to be carried around the room, i am fine for 5 mins or so, but then the back and knees creak when returning to the standing posture!

My scalp suffers like your hands from eczema type flakiness and even after trying various shampoos/ getting advice from docstors and hairdressers alike....still no cure ! Grr.....
My hair is alas, also receeding and going grey. I will sonn look like Ray Reardon with white hair! widows peak/silver streak look! Great. Going to the gym has so far combatted the 'moobs' and my chicken legs have improved with full stack leg weights/squats, and running, but still dont feel comfortable in my 'shell'!!! I would like the money of an arab prince, the face and body of the guy who plays the lead in Step-up, the libido of Jack Nicholson, and the comic tongue of John Bishop.......but as that aint going to happen i will continue to move the mirror further away, and never look into it with my glasses on! LOL.
The nasal hair is becoming noticeable now, and the painful plucking of it certainly wakes u up, the aching joints are soothed by regular saunas and swims, and the designer stubble is now becoming the 'Phil Mitchell' dark/grey/dark look which is shite.

Try some odour eaters in your shoes, and soak your feet in lavender oil or something similar.

As you said we are nearly 40 and its all going south!

Anonymous said...

Very attractive Simon, you have made my day ;-)

Simon said...

Just call me the Stockport Adonis