First of all, thank you for all the comments (and emails) sent to me by you, the concerned public. I know I didn't reply to those of you that I should have, but please don't take offense. As the previous post stated - "Exceptional Circumstances". However - apologies.
Here is a list of reasons why I have not been around at all. I'll let you pick the reason you want to believe in.
1) I have had a sex change operation and so am now no longer iSimon, but iSimone - it's taken 25 days for the swelling to go down enough on my new front bottom for me to be able to sit down comfortably.
2) I've been inside at her majesty's pleasure for 25 days, for the crime of driving while wearing nothing but a pair of emerald earrings and masturbating furiously to Christian rock.
3) I have been held captive for 25 days in a "Boxing Helena" kind of way by a scary fat bloke who insisted I called him 'Giggles', and I only managed to escape when he fell asleep after our 'playtime' and left my cage open.
4) I won big on the lottery and have been on a 3 week round-the-world holiday and have only returned to 'normal' life for a few days to laugh at all the poor folk (credit crunch? HA!)
5) I just didn't like you any more.
On a serious note - no one died, everyone is fit and healthy (me included), and I'm still employed. There has been a big change in my life, and its still on-going. The good thing is that this is a positive change, and will make the lives of myself, and the people around me, better.
So I'm back. I will try and keep this blog updated as regularly as possible, hopefully in an entertaining way, so spread the word...