Insanity In The Workplace

You have to try at least ONE of these things this week - the more the better:

HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY IN THE WORKPLACE

1. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice).

2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.)

4. Make up nicknames for all your co-workers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No I'm sorry I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Chi-Chi."

5. Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you're doing. For example "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."

6. "Hi-light" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this.

7. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive".

8. Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.

9. Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes.

10. Insist that your e-mail address be: zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com

11. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask him if he wants want fries with that.

12. Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the direction of one of your company's products. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

13. Suggest that beer be put in the water/soda machine.

14. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronised chair dancing.

15. Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."

16. Determine how many cups of coffee are "too many."

17. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

18. For a relaxing break, get away from it all with a mask and snorkel in the fish tank. If no one notices, take out your snorkel and see how many you can catch in your mouth.

19. Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts etc. in the lunchroom, when people complain that there was none... Just lean back, pat your stomach, and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."

21. Put decaf in the coffee-maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

22. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark 17-inch paper, 99 copies.

23. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favours".

24. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

25. When driving colleagues around insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep 'em tuned up."

26. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

27. Practice making fax and modem noises.

28. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.

29. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

30. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."

31. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.

32. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

33. Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

34. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

36. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.

37. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.

38. type only in lowercase.

39. Don't use any punctuation either

40. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and re-route the whole M4 through the NEC car park.

41. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

42. As much as possible skip rather than walk.

43. Wear bright shirt and tie combo's and hang around colleagues desks.

44. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

45. Show your testicles at office social occasions.

46. Ask people what gender they are.

47. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

48. Sit in your the car park at lunch time pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

49. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles"

50. Stand on the inside of a toilet cubical. Knock on the inside until someone asks if you are alright. At this point say in an irrate manner, "yes I'm fine, can I come in now".