Yes, its the last day of October, so its Halloween. Its not a holiday I normally get too bothered about to be honest. When I was younger I went to a few organised parties (you know the sort - bobbing for apples, too much sugar and sweets, and being hyperactive for about a week afterwards) but now Im older... well, old... I dont really do anything. I dont agree with trick or treating, so Jake isn't too fond of me at the moment because I wont let him go, but unfortunately I can't stop other kids knocking at my bloody door begging for sweets. I've just been out and bought a selection of different things so if they do come knocking at least I'll have something to give them. Last year I did the same, and guess what... no one came knocking. Bastards.
Im more interested in City playing tonight - they're away to Bolton in the Carling Cup (or whatever its called now) and after the 6 - 0 drubbing on Saturday Im hoping they can prove it was just a blip.
Anyway spooks and ghouls, have a good day, and if you're partying at all tonight, have fun. Just stay the f*ck away from my door! Peace.
Wednesday, 31 October 2007
Tuesday, 30 October 2007
Darwin Awards
Enjoy!
Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honouring the least evolved among us. Here is the glorious
winner:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
And now, the honourable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transportingfrom Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15.
(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was
made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the
car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. (*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER)
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home ssewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honouring the least evolved among us. Here is the glorious
winner:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
And now, the honourable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transportingfrom Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15.
(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was
made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the
car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. (*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER)
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home ssewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
Monday, 29 October 2007
Another slog...
The start of another working week. And with nothing to look forward to, its just a succession of get up, go to work, come home, go to bed. Am I wrong to want to have something each week to really look forward to? I know a lot of people would say "you're lucky, you have a family to come home to, a nice home" etc. etc. and dont get me wrong, I do feel lucky to have all that - but isn't life that little bit better when you have a real highlight each week, something to work towards? Im not being selfish, I know I have more in my life than a lot of people, but I think it's nice to have something each week that makes you think "Yeah, lookin' forward to that".
For example, this week, I have the following on:
Today work, tonight taking Jake to his weekly Watford football training.
Tomorrow work, tomorrow night nowt.
Wednesday work, Wednesday night nada.
Thursday work, Thursday night football (ok, this is a good thing, but I do it so often its not really something to get over excited about)
Friday work, Friday night nuffin'.
See what I mean?
I dont want people reading this post and saying stuff like "then arrange something for yourself" or "you're doin more than me!" because thats not the point Im trying to make. Im just trying to say, I think the week is better when there is a real highlight in it. Thats all.
Anyway, whatever you're doing with your week, have a good Monday.
Soundtrack of the day: "Going For Gold" by Shed Seven.
For example, this week, I have the following on:
Today work, tonight taking Jake to his weekly Watford football training.
Tomorrow work, tomorrow night nowt.
Wednesday work, Wednesday night nada.
Thursday work, Thursday night football (ok, this is a good thing, but I do it so often its not really something to get over excited about)
Friday work, Friday night nuffin'.
See what I mean?
I dont want people reading this post and saying stuff like "then arrange something for yourself" or "you're doin more than me!" because thats not the point Im trying to make. Im just trying to say, I think the week is better when there is a real highlight in it. Thats all.
Anyway, whatever you're doing with your week, have a good Monday.
Soundtrack of the day: "Going For Gold" by Shed Seven.
Saturday, 27 October 2007
Saturday lunchtime
Sitting here, its a bit miserable out, but its nice and warm in my lounge watching football drinkin cider. Jake had a good training session this morning, and I think this evening we're having dinner with my parents for my birthday, so a relaxing day and night ahead.
Jake has a match tomorrow morning, and then all I've got to worry about is making sure I have some shirts ironed for the week.
Didnt do much last night - had a couple of glasses of good wine, watched a bit of tv, and that was it. DEFINITELY getting older!
Thing is, after a little bit of alcohol, in the warm, its so tempting to snooze for a little while... as nice as that is, it would mean I wouldn't sleep later. And its the sort of thing old people do!
Anyway, short post today as there's not much going on, but thank you to all the people who wished me a happy birthday.
Have a good rest of the weekend people...
Jake has a match tomorrow morning, and then all I've got to worry about is making sure I have some shirts ironed for the week.
Didnt do much last night - had a couple of glasses of good wine, watched a bit of tv, and that was it. DEFINITELY getting older!
Thing is, after a little bit of alcohol, in the warm, its so tempting to snooze for a little while... as nice as that is, it would mean I wouldn't sleep later. And its the sort of thing old people do!
Anyway, short post today as there's not much going on, but thank you to all the people who wished me a happy birthday.
Have a good rest of the weekend people...
Friday, 26 October 2007
Another day... another year
Friday at last. I've had this stinking cold all week, so Im looking forward to the end of the day so I can go home and be ill properly.
And yes, another year older today. 35. F*ck me. I know it sounds daft, but I feel no different to when I was 21... alright, my hair is disappearing and changing colour, my body mass has increased slightly, I ache more, it takes longer for my body to get going in the morning, hangovers make me feel like I've died after something had crawled into my mouth, shat, then died... but inside my own little head, I really feel no different. So happy birthday to me, you old bastard.
We've had new lights put in at the office. Before, we had the normal yellowish strip lights in the ceiling - but they've been replaced by these new bright white ones. I walked in this morning, it was like walking into a hospital. I expected a load of people to be running around shouting "STAT!" and "Get The Crash Cart" and stuff. And my it makes my skin look a very nasty pasty shade, like I've been living in a basement for 5 years.
Anyway, have a good Friday, and if I dont get to post, a good weekend. If you're having a drink later, raise a glass to me and think of my poor body aging like a old piece of fruit... slowly, making it go soft and squidgy, and smelling badly. Peace.
And yes, another year older today. 35. F*ck me. I know it sounds daft, but I feel no different to when I was 21... alright, my hair is disappearing and changing colour, my body mass has increased slightly, I ache more, it takes longer for my body to get going in the morning, hangovers make me feel like I've died after something had crawled into my mouth, shat, then died... but inside my own little head, I really feel no different. So happy birthday to me, you old bastard.
We've had new lights put in at the office. Before, we had the normal yellowish strip lights in the ceiling - but they've been replaced by these new bright white ones. I walked in this morning, it was like walking into a hospital. I expected a load of people to be running around shouting "STAT!" and "Get The Crash Cart" and stuff. And my it makes my skin look a very nasty pasty shade, like I've been living in a basement for 5 years.
Anyway, have a good Friday, and if I dont get to post, a good weekend. If you're having a drink later, raise a glass to me and think of my poor body aging like a old piece of fruit... slowly, making it go soft and squidgy, and smelling badly. Peace.
Wednesday, 24 October 2007
Airport Scrum
Something that winds me up, but shouldn't really... in fact, it winds me up but I also find it amusing.
You're at the airport, sitting at your gate waiting to board. You have your seat allocation (if you're like me, you like sitting near the front of the plane, so say you're in row 2). The gate monkey comes onto the PA and says "Good morning, welcome to blah blah airlines. We would now like to invite people seated through rows 27 to 20 to board. Thank you". Cue mass surge toward the gate entrance. Its almost as though people think "Got to get on the plane, it'll go without me!" or "Must get a seat, I dont wanna stand for the whole flight!" I mean, people, its not a bus! You have a seat! Its NOT gonna taxi to take off without your fat pimply arse sat in your seat! And then every third person you hear "No madam, we're only boarding rows 27 to 20, not row 8 yet, please step back until we call your row". The PA announcement was clear enough for you to hear it calling you, so why didnt you hear it was NOT your row yet? I must admit, during my early years of flying, I was one of those sheep that jumped up and tried to board (although I wasn't THAT bad - I did wait for my row to be called) but now I try and be the last person on - I sit, and watch, and laugh at the mindless drones piling up round the gate and try and wait until the last second before I shift my bulk toward the gate entrance.
Just another little bit of life that is amusing, but can make me feel mild urgings to slaughter innocent people. (Just kiddin...)
Have a good Wednesday people.
You're at the airport, sitting at your gate waiting to board. You have your seat allocation (if you're like me, you like sitting near the front of the plane, so say you're in row 2). The gate monkey comes onto the PA and says "Good morning, welcome to blah blah airlines. We would now like to invite people seated through rows 27 to 20 to board. Thank you". Cue mass surge toward the gate entrance. Its almost as though people think "Got to get on the plane, it'll go without me!" or "Must get a seat, I dont wanna stand for the whole flight!" I mean, people, its not a bus! You have a seat! Its NOT gonna taxi to take off without your fat pimply arse sat in your seat! And then every third person you hear "No madam, we're only boarding rows 27 to 20, not row 8 yet, please step back until we call your row". The PA announcement was clear enough for you to hear it calling you, so why didnt you hear it was NOT your row yet? I must admit, during my early years of flying, I was one of those sheep that jumped up and tried to board (although I wasn't THAT bad - I did wait for my row to be called) but now I try and be the last person on - I sit, and watch, and laugh at the mindless drones piling up round the gate and try and wait until the last second before I shift my bulk toward the gate entrance.
Just another little bit of life that is amusing, but can make me feel mild urgings to slaughter innocent people. (Just kiddin...)
Have a good Wednesday people.
Friday, 19 October 2007
Late post
A late one tonight - but Im happy, coz I've killed, destroyed, expunged, removed and otherwise dumped Windows Vista. Windows XP is running lovely. Im sitting here getting all my bookmarks up to date, and watching Grosse Point Blanke (one of my favourite films) and life is cool.
Also drinkin Magners with lots of ice.... niiiice.
More updates (maybe) over the weekend.
Peace
Also drinkin Magners with lots of ice.... niiiice.
More updates (maybe) over the weekend.
Peace
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