Well, when I say 'this' I mean, 'I' - I'm beginning to annoy me.
I think I may have touched on this in the past, but after chatting with, and listening to the music of, someone I follow on Twitter (@nickyphillips) it's again brought it home to me.
It can be summed up in one sentence. I wish I could perform on my guitar in front of an audience.
As some of you probably know, I play guitar. Not brilliantly - I mean, I'm no Eric Claption or Slash, but I play well enough for my own ears and can often be found strumming to myself of an evening. (OK, stop giggling now). It's only been fairly recently that I have got up the courage to sing out loud rather than in my head, and quite often if I'm alone now I can be heard belting out those songs that match my 'vocal range' (ooh, 'ark at me...).
I have sung in front of friends, but this is usually after a couple of glasses of vino when I'm more relaxed. There have been a couple of disastrous occasions when I've had a little too much wine and sounded, quite frankly, shite - but on the whole it's been OK.
Now your friends are your friends for a reason and so I really don't think that if they thought I sounded awful they would say so. They are too kind and wonderful and generous for that. But I do receive positive feedback and it makes me more and more keen to want to try my ability in front of strangers.
First of all, busking is out. I don't like the idea of that. I would want a 'captive' audience (God I'm evil), not a paying audience obviously, just some people who are there to listen to music and might appreciate my noise.
There are open mic nights - I think there is one in a pub right near me - but that kind of sends a shiver up my spine. Playing to a group of people who could be pissed? That could be a little scary. Although, I suppose, if the vibe was right, it might be good.
Take a visit to @nickyphillps website. There are two songs on there. One on the home screen ("Chemical Reaction") and one under the Media link ("Sweet Rose"). This is actually a video and I watched it and thought "Yes - that's the sort of thing I could maybe do". Go on, go have a look. I'll wait...
See? Good isn't it (and I think she's very talented by the way).
And this brings up another issue - I don't play my own songs. I tried writing my own stuff some time ago that was honestly crap (well, some of the guitar playing was OK, but the lyrics... ouch). Would people want to hear cover versions? I play some stuff that people know (and are probably bored of) and some that they might not, and they sound OK. I would imagine, however, that you'd be judged against the original and I would obviously be found wanting.
So I don't know quite where I'm going with this post - I would welcome your comments. I know I want to do this, and I know I would probably absolutely love it after the event (if it went well, obviously), but I'm so annoyed at myself because I can't take that final plunge and do it. I am very jealous of people like @nickyphillips who do have that inner confidence to be able to put themselves out there. I've never had that.
Finally - this is NOT a plea for lots of "Oh but you're so wonderfully gifted Simon" comments. I would honestly welcome peoples thoughts on this - have you performed in the way @nickyphillips does? Do you know someone who does? Have you wanted to do it and not had the confidence? Send them all to the usual address (the comments box at the bottom).
Update: Here's a link to a folder on the ol' internet with some songs I did in it. Have a listen, if you like.