Friday, 6 July 2012

Personal space

An interesting day today. Spending the weekend with my gf in Cleveleys which is a nice part of the world, but it's quite a mecca for those coffin dodgers who have given up the ghost and are just waiting for the grim reaper to make an appearance.
There are pluses and minuses to this. One plus is unless a group of them get whacked out on triple strength cough syrup and endless cups of tea it's quite quiet in the evenings. A minus is that they are fuckin' everywhere and insist on being in my way and invading my personal space.
A prime example today. I was in a well known supermarket purchasing some items to make my lovely gf something for tea. Behind me appeared Mr. and Mrs. Wrinkle. They were married I assume and were one of those couples that greeting card companies make a big deal out of, putting their image on the front of some tacky bit of cardboard with "True love lasts" or some such bullshit. Believe you me they would change their mind if they could have got a whiff of the interesting scent that the old fella was giving off.
Anyway, I'm a live and let live kind of bloke so didn't pay too much attention. Until the old fella decided that, rather than wait for me to finish bagging my items and pay the till monkey, he would occupy the exact same space as me. Honestly, if my jeans hadn't been as tight to my arse cheeks I think he could have taken the cherry I didn't ever want to lose. So me being the polite person I am, rather than elbow his ribs to breadcrumbs or push him over, I politely asked if he could move back so I could pay the till jockey. Did he move? Did he fuck. So I stretched past him, handed over my cash, and started bagging the goods.
This gave the geriatric old fart the opportunity he was waiting for and he shuffled even further forward. And I'm not kidding - my gf hasn't even been this close and intimate with me. As I was placing my stuff in a bag he was more or less standing in my own pair of shoes. Was I dead? Was I a ghost and didn't know and he really couldn't see me? I decided to test this hypothesis with a restrained yet growling "Are you in a rush old son?"
He didn't even look at me.
Shit. I am dead. This is my version of hell. Trapped forever in shopping-with-old-people purgatory. I stumbled from the shop back outside to where my lovely gf was waiting and her smile reaffirmed that in fact I wasn't dead, just visiting a town full of crumblies. Thank Christ.
Have a nice weekend all. Peace.


Alan Carr said...


Anonymous said...

Apart from the plethora of old people it is a very lovely town by the way x

Thora Hird said...

Clevely sounds a bit like Eastbourne, another 'raised cemetery'

Phil Dawson said...

Perhaps he wanted to get home quick to get the curtains drawn.

Simon said...

Junior! Glad to hear from you - hope you and the family are well :-)